(no subject)

[caithream]

There are way too many emotions in me right now vying for complete control, so much so that at work I had stop what I was doing and just breathe because my hands were shaking and my mind was moving two steps ahead of my body and the cinder blocks on my chest even now just keep getting tighter and tighter. My brain, even unconsciously, just won't shut up for five minutes and give me some peace without worry and stress and regret and fear and loneliness and anxiousness and excitement all going at it at once. It's going to build and build and build until I break and this is nothing new and I still wish I would have just shut up five minutes ago.

For Mother's Day I got my mom a special edition DVD of To Kill a Mockingbird and she opened it and looked at me like she was gonna cry, and I nearly did; I put on my card, just because I'm moving out doesn't mean you can't be my mommy any more. I mean that so damn much it kills me.

Chrissy, Kate, and Lauren, I'm gonna go ahead and get the EyeCon tickets... if anyone else wants to sit with us, let me know really soon-ish.

Thursday is going to be the bursting of the dam.

Comments

[killmotion.livejournal.com]

You need drugs, woman. I'm serious. Ok not really. But meditation can do wonders, I swear. Every time I just get too many emotions at once, I meditate. For me that's just laying/sitting, slowly breathing ang focusing only on the that. Don't think how you're breathing or 'Am I doing this right?' and you'll see. Then you're mind is clear and somehow, you're able to deal with things. It works for me, and I hope it'll work for you.

That's so sweet about your mom. I'm seeing the cutest things that people are doing with their mom and while it does remind me of how I'll never get one of those until I become a mom myself it's great to see relationships as stong as the ones between a mother and a daughter.

THE DAM IS ALREADY CRACKED. AND I AM LIKE DYING ALREADY BECAUSE IT IS ALREADY TUESDAY. GAH, THURSDAY BE HERE NOW.

[caithream.livejournal.com]

Nah. Liquor maybe. Actually talking things out with my family, yes. I'm just not the talking type, unfortunately, sigh. The fact that this is a huuuuge transition in my life is just getting to me at random times. :\

Meditation! I've always wanted to take yoga. That might do wonders, hee!

♥♥♥ I hope you have good memories of you mom, darling. And I'm sure you're going to be an awesome mother yourself someday. :D

48 hours!! AND THEN A FIVE MILLION MONTH HIATUS. Ugghh it's going to SUCK.

[distantechoes.livejournal.com]

:( I'm sorry you're stressing with emotion overload. I know it sounds cliche, but sometimes it helps to just rant it out to someone - and I'm definitely right on the other end of the phone. My other cliche (yet true) advice is to not worry about things you can't control, because you can't control them. Breathing is a good first step!
And your mom will ALWAYS be your mom. Nothing in the world can change that. ♥

I would love to go to Eyecon with you guys, if you're sure everyone'll have me! Hopefully Thursday is more cathartic than soul-crushing.

[caithream.livejournal.com]

I don't want you to feel like I'm completely regretting doing this, because I'm NOT, not at all, it's just. This is a HUGE transition in my life... I'm pretty much shutting one chapter and beginning another, and I'm so stupidly sentimental that it really really gets to me sometimes. But really, I'm so ridiculously excited I cannot even TELL YOU. <333

Consider yourself in! It's going to be SO MUCH FUN OMFG. Uggh, God, Thursday, how sad that I can't be there with you to flail around in my seat!

[distantechoes.livejournal.com]

Oh hon, do not worry about what I feel! I have been through the moving out thing myself, and I know how stressing and WEIRD it is. It's certainly beginning a new chapter, but it's not cutting out the people or places in your hometown! I was so afraid when I heard a line in Garden State; something like, "You know that point when you realize that the house that you grew up in isn't really your home anymore?" Well I still haven't reached that point, if I ever will. My home will always be where my heart (family) is!
Rambling to the point - I've been there, and if you ever wanna spill all the ranting and/or tears, I'll be here! Over the phone for now, and in person in June!

I would say I'd call you after the ep on Thursday, but I have the feeling we'll both be blubbering incoherants!!

[caithream.livejournal.com]

Seriously babe. I have no words to describe how much I heart you. I can't thank you enough for all of this, for serious. ♥

[stargazertook.livejournal.com]

Aww, hon. *holds*

[caithream.livejournal.com]

*Clings* I'm scared to grow up, Dor. :(

[falterfrei.livejournal.com]

*hugs* It may just be my nursey switch kicking in, but have you ever thought of talking to your doctor about some of this? I mean, seriously, it sounds like how I feel when I have a panic attack, and those are no fun at all. There are a lot of things you can do to help manage them, and medication is just a small part of it. I'm really sorry you're feeling this way and I know that it majorly sucks... you shouldn't have to feel like that.

I really, really wish I could do Eyecon again, but I don't think my bank account would survive another trip like that. Just think of me while you guys are having fun; I'll be with you in spirit!

Thursday is going to be like whoa. I just hope the episode lives up to everyone's expectations. I mean, they've been building up to this for a year now... I'm really hoping it will be the Best Episode Yet. I'm honestly half-dreading it. Oh, Deeeeean.....

[caithream.livejournal.com]

I dunno! It's not like this is a regular thing, it's just... with the stress of moving and saying goodbye to people I've known my WHOLE LIFE and new things and responsibility... it's a lot scarier than I thought. :( I'm sure that once I settle in I'll get better, but for right now I'm probably just going to have to deal. :\

Aww, no! That's totally understandable, though. Wah! WELL, we'll have to make some big goofy video or something so Dor doesn't feel too left out either, hee.

Oh God, yes, I SO hope so. The fact that Eric Kripke is a sadistic bastard and SAID it was going to be a major cliffhanger makes me kind of want to throw up, omg. D:

[idril-telrunya.livejournal.com]

Awwww honey. Sucks trying to be a grown-up isn't it? But you know what? You will be FINE! You know it, I know it, we all know it. Things will work out how they are supposed too. You can drive home weekends you don't work and hang out with the fam. You can call them everyday. But things will never be the same and that is a GOOD thing. I mean how are you EVER gonna marry Jensen if you still live at home, right?! Hee!! Just breathe and know that while it's scary as FUCK it's going to be very good. And if its not, shit, you know you can always go back home! Love you!

N'aaawwww you are so cute. I bet shes just as nervous and excited as you are! She will ALWAYS be your mommy. <3333

OK YAY! Just tell me when you want me to send you the check of MONEH and I shall do eet! I also texted Carol Lee to see if she was going to go platinum or wants to sit with us. She hasn't texted me back, but I will let you know what she says when she does!

Thursday is going to KILL me. I KNOW it. Gah!

[caithream.livejournal.com]

*Super cling* I certainly hope so! I've been telling myself that I've been wanting for things to be different for a while now, but now that it's actually HAPPENING I guess it's a little scary, haha. <333333

Yay! I'm gonna get them here pretty soon, Kate's just the last one I wanna make sure has the money to send me right now, 'cause yeah. Heh.

GONNA DIE SO BAD OMG. I DON'T THINK I CAN HANDLE IT.

[quidditchkiss.livejournal.com]

D:

*WRAPS YOU UP IN A BIG HUG*

If you need support and stuff on Thursday, I'll be online! And there's my ongoing post, where a bunch of us will clearly be crying and hugging one another.

And with everything else going on with you? Everything will be okay, okay? ♥

[caithream.livejournal.com]

*MASSIVE CLING* Thank you, darling, everything will be okay eventually, hee.

[spazzbot.livejournal.com]

Sorry you're feeling so stressed, sweetie. *hugs* Don't feel bad about letting it all out, though, as I know from experience that it's okay to break and let it out sometimes.

Eyecon tickets, yayes! Let me know how much I owe you when you've purchased them and we can work that out. wheee! I'm so excited I get to sit with you guys this time, not all alone behind smell fangirls.

Thursday. EEEEP. I don't even know. !!!

[caithream.livejournal.com]

*Big hugs* Yeah, I have a bit of a problem with the sharing and caring, but my parents understand, which is a big plus, hee. Thanks, darling.

YAY! Okay uh, I hate to say it, but because I'm getting five tickets the math is a BIT high, and ummm I would need the monies not like, RIGHT away, but pretty soon after I get them. If that's okay. Haha. I'll let you know when I do get them, I just gotta make sure it's okay with Kate too right now.

[spazzbot.livejournal.com]

Dude, it is no problem at all! I wouldn't expect you to buy a bunch of really expensive tickets and not be reimbursed for them in a timely manner! As soon as you buy them let me know and I'll get you the monies in whichever way works best! :D

[random-serious.livejournal.com]

There are way too many emotions in me right now vying for complete control,

Ouch, and so on. Change is a big, scary thing, even when it is planned and wanted, so try and be merciful to yourself about feeling all kinds of things at once, and try to remember that equilibrium returns, and everything will seem better and clearer. *hugs*