Idk my bff's on el jay?

[caithream]

Okay, so, um. I am the kind of person to COMPLETELY and entirely distance myself from my online fannish persona. My family and friends know next to NOTHING about what I do online (or, at least, I don't think they do); they don't know about LJ, or who I chat with. My family knows that I like Supernatural a lot, but I don't think they quite understand how ridiculously DEVOTED and emotionally invested I am to this screwed up family, and they obviously don't know about the WRITING I do surrounding that. To be entirely truthful, I'm not a very open person. I just can't. My mom comes to me sometimes and says, "Why do you never talk about anything to us?" and I'm like, "...?!?!" Most of the time I don't intentionally hide things, but some things just stay hidden anyway. I don't want them to know how much I am in love with my fandoms, and about all the writing, and all that. It kind of makes me sick to think about. It's... well, truth to be told, it's kind of embarrassing. I have a very, very low self-esteem, and I'm kind of always wondering what people are thinking about me, which is entirely selfish and stupid, but with that kind of ammo? An obsessive personality is not neccessarily a good thing, and thinking about what my parents already think of me now with SPN and whatnot, it would seriously just kill me to let them in about what I do even more.

So I really have to wonder if I'm the only one. I get REALLY flustered and kind of turn beet red if any of them makes a reference to SPN or something (which is rare, but, you know) because... God, I don't even know why. Kind of like this, "if they only knew" kind of thing. I'm so... I'm so concerned about what they would think of me because I am so emotionally invested. You knock what I like, you knock who I am. And then I kind of want to crawl in a hole for a few days. Or something.

The reason why I'm asking is because I just bought PLANE TICKETS for $208 (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) from Tampa to Salt Lake City to meet idril_telrunya, flusteredspeech, and falterfrei and I am SO DAMN EXCITED, but, haha, I can't stop wondering about what my PARENTS are gonna think of all this. Like I said, they know virtually nothing about what I do and who I talk to, so it's gonna be a sudden, out-of-the-blue, "I know these people online and I'm gonna fly out to meet them HOORAY!" The faces I will get, I mean seriously. So somehow I have to explain to them that I've known them for nearly five damn years, and it's not like we just sit around and shoot the shit; well, I mean, we DO, but we have, you know, *~*similar interests*~* and whatnot. And yeah. They're gonna put two and two together. And I'm kind of dying (and not in the good way) just thinking about it.

Seriously, I don't even know WHAT I'm gonna do for winchestercon. Sigh.

I kind of already let it slip to my sister that I was planning on visiting some "online friends" during the summer, and yeah. It went as I would have expected it. And really, thinking about it from her perspective, I guess it would seem pretty weird. But... she also asked why do I never TALK about these people or what I do. Again with the talking! I don't... I don't think she was as much weirded out as she was shocked to learn that I do have close online friends? Which is a step up, I guess.

So I guess my question in all this is... help what do I do.

And now that I've bared my soul, I'm gonna go, you know, crawl under that rock. :\

Comments

[kroki-refur.livejournal.com]

OK, so, I did the same thing for a long time. Then last Christmas, I said fuck it. Fandom is a major part of my life, and I'm not going to pretend it isn't. I told my family that I wrote fanfic, and since then I've been pretty much open about it, and honestly? No-one's really cared, and those that have have generally thought it was cool. Think about it -- if you were into stamp-collecting, you wouldn't pretend not to be, right? You don't have to tell your family everything, but I do think you'll find if you are a little bit more open, it will actually be less difficult for you.

Of course, I don't know your family, and I know how rough it is being shy and having low self-esteem. Thing is, seems to me that hiding stuff you're into because you're ashamed of what people will think will only contribute to lowering your self-esteem further.

It sounds to me like your sister and mum and so on would just like to know more about what makes you tick. My dad was really pleased to learn about fanfic, because it meant he felt closer to me and understood more about my life. He was interested (if a little surprised), not put off or whatever. Your family loves you, they want to know about you.

OK, wow, watch me go with my completely uninformed Lifetime-movie pop psychology O_o. Disclaimer: I know nothing. (There, that should cover my ass, right?)

[fledmusic.livejournal.com]

I'm exactly the same way.

It's really hard to explain to people that no, these aren't just random people you met on the internet. Well, I mean, technically they are, but it's not LIKE that.

So yeah, it's definitely not just you.

[distantechoes.livejournal.com]

Aw, I know it's hard, but trying actively to not be so worried about it is a good first step! I certainly don't think you're weird.
I think it's honestly the not talking about it with people thing that is making it weird for them. Like, one of my really good friends would get close online friends and never mention them until she was like "so I've been seeing this guy online for a year" and I'd be like "...wtf why did you never say anything?"
It's like they can tell you're uncomfortable talking about it and want to breach the subject but have no idea how.

Think about it like this: lots of people meet online. There are websites like eHarmony and Match.com specifically for meeting to date, and stuff like MySpace and FaceBook to meet to become friends!
Try explaining it to them like you had a penpal, it just happens to be online. And you talk on instant messages and blogs, instead of just email or snail mail. Because that's the internet for you!
Your parents will probably understand the penpal angle more than anything else you could throw out there. In the end, they're friends with similar interests that you talk to, but they live far away.

And don't be too freaked about the fandom stuff. The people who love you are always going to accept who you are, even if you love a TV show a whole lot, or go dressed as a pirate to a movie premiere, etc.
You'll always have good friends you can geek out with, even if they happen to be online. And you can always geek out with me and Dani. :D
Sorry for the lengthy comment! FEEL BETTERS.

[schwann.livejournal.com]

I'll tell you something. Once upon a time, I had a fantastic group of online friends while I was big time into the Lord of the Rings fandom. We were all banded together in what was called the Lord of the Rings Sisters. It didn't last long, since we had our differences, but whatever. I kept in contact with a bunch of them for a long time. Well! I was lucky enough to be really good friends with the girl who started it. She went by the name of Ivy. Being a young highschooler, I absolutely adored Ivy, who was a good bit older than me. Early twenties. One day, we secretly had a phone conversation (oh ho ho! I was shifty) and talked over how fun it would be for me to visit her that summer.

After muuuucchhh mental debate, I popped the question to my parents one day while having dinner at this restaurant. I can still remember it, down to where we were sitting. They said, "we'll think about it." A few months later (after much assurances and planning on my part), my dad was on the phone with Ivy, discussing the conditions of me staying with her for a few days on the other side of the state. Around two weeks later, I was in a car with her and her boyfriend, already having the time of my life.

To this day, I'm so happy that I made the decision to step up and tell my parents about this. It was almost like opening up to them in ways I had been terrified to before. They now knew that I had friends online and, more importantly, that I was rather close to these friends. In a way, they knew not to knock on me being on the computer as much as I was and still am. ... Of course, it's the first thing my mother threatens to take away, but whatever.

...I probably won't go farther with my escapades online, in fear of being disowned. If you think fanfic is bad, imagine having to tell your parents that you roleplay almost every day as mostly male characters. Er, mostly male characters interested in the same gender. Conservative Republican family, ahoy! Oh yeah, and, uh, that I'm spending up to $150 on one costume to go to an anime convention in.

I am the queen of nerdiness, or something.

I'm jealous of your being able to visit your friends this summer, though. Personally, I think that it's way awesome. More than anything, I hope that you're able to open up to your parents a little more. It's a big relief off of your shoulders, believe me.

[unperfectwolf.livejournal.com]

YOU ARE COMING TO WINCON. I WILL MAKE THEM LET YOU. *waves fingers*

Also, I used to lie. Then I stopped. Now I just mention the sam/dean porn in casual conversation. MY BROTHERS ARE FANGIRLS. THEY BROUGHT IT ON THEM SEV- Ahem. Then again, everyone at WORK knows I write porn, so *hands*

[stargazertook.livejournal.com]

Sarah, take it from me - when Kate first was coming here to visit, I was like, "OMG how do I explain to Stephan that someone I NEVER met before except for through my computer is going to come into our house!?????" Fortunately Kate is not an axe murderer so everything turned out peachy keen. Also, I mostly explain that WE are all friends not because we met on an Elijah Wood fansite, but because we all have the same hobby - writing. Because actually, it was the writing that kept me there at first. And then that grew into our circle of friends which I wouldn't trade for the world. Put in the words that we are aspiring writers or that it's a hobby kind of meeting - it doesn't sound so unusual. I think your parents would understand this more than "We're meeting to squee over boys". Also, if you mention the fact that we've all known each other for like six years, it doesn't sound strange at all -- even our grandparents had a system called "pen pals" where they conversed with people they never knew - and THAT required giving a total stranger your home address! After you meet up with Kate, Chrissy and Char, it won't seem strange at all because there will be that LIVE connection instead of ... electronic. My family accepts Kate and Sujata as extended family after meeting them - and actually Stephan has friends who started out as clients or business people that he also only ever talked to through emails. I don't think that in this day and age it's weird anymore. And at least we're all girls, hehe, that makes it less weird for your parents at least.

Good luck, it'll be fine.

[magikalrhiannon.livejournal.com]

Speaking as someone who not only has met a few of my friends online but also my husband, I know what you mean by the whole squicking at the rents having a bad reaction to it. And seriously, if you can avoid that, all the better.

My best advice would be like Dor said. Explain that there are a group of women that you have met through a common interest, creative writing, and that after six years a few of you have decided that it's time to get together and talk in person instead of via a messageboard, email, phone and messaging systems. I don't think they freak out so much when you explain that they're not people that you've just met, that you have taken a long time to get to know them not just of their work but who they are as well, and after such a long time of talking it's really difficult to maintain a persona that is consistent.

Even though you may be a little more quiet and reserved offline, I imagine that get you in a room with the girls and you'll be exactly as you are on here. The traits that you show on here are inside you, you just don't unleash them unless you're in an environment that you feel totally comfortable with. IE in a semi-annonymous setting such as what we have here. It just depends on your level of comfort. When Suj and I first met, we were both a little more quiet and nervous but now that we've done it a few times, it's just like it is on here.

My rents never understood that I didn't want them to know about what I did online, that it was a haven for me, and somewhere that I could be exactly who I wanted to be without the judgment or persecution that comes from disapproving relatives. But then i guess if I had explained a little more, it wouldn't have gone as sour as it did. Also, bear in mind, your rents are like a gazillion times nicer people than mine are.

[killmotion.livejournal.com]

Friends are friends. It shouldn't make a difference where you meet them. And I kind of get into this situation whenever I talk about it with my mom. She just doesn't get it. I consider my best friend someone I met on LJ a year ago. and I see no problem in that. Pretty much like everyone else said, give it a thorough explanation and hopefully they'll understand. :)

[falterfrei.livejournal.com]

There are certain things that I haven't told my family about for some of the same reasons (things like sexual preference, lifestyle choices... hello Roman Catholic upbringing!) but I do know this: every time that I *have* been nervous about telling my mom something but told her anyway, she's always surprised me. In the end, most parents just want their children to be happy. Also, it sounds like your family knows that there are a lot of things about you that you haven't let them in on, and it would be my guess that they would be thrilled if you just did that.

As far as our meetup goes... I mean, hell, six years is a long time to know someone, even if you've never met face to face. I know that you guys were my honest-to-God lifeline for a long time. I know what some people's views are about meeting people on the internet (scare tactics, anyone) but I think its become such a huge part of our culture that its not so odd as people might have originally thought. The penpal angle might be a good way to go. My hunch is that your family will be thrilled that you're finally opening up to them.

As for SPN... I was over at my dad's house talking with my three younger sisters, one of which is so boycrazy she makes me giggle (imagine about thirty-some websites bookmarked, all of which are actors, singers or otherwise droolworthy guys). So I couldn't resist introducing them to JP and JA and we spent the next two hours squeeing over pictures (and over your screencap reviews, did I mention how much I love those?) I mean, I'm sure your parents are familiar with being a fan; they probably have their own minor obsessions. And here's the greatest thing about family - they love you no matter what. I'm sure if you showed them some of the fanfiction on the boys, they would understand why this show is so profoundly part of you. Or they might not, but they would appreciate that you're letting them in to something you were scared to talk to them about, and in any case I think they would love you and at least *try* to understand.

Heh... so there's my novel of 0.02. Did I ever mention to you that I stopped seeing my therapist because she told me internet friends don't count?

[berreh.livejournal.com]

Looks like you've already got great advice here. Just remember that you don't have to tell them *everything*. Everybody understands the concept of the Star Trek convention -- just say it's similar to that only about Supernatural. Nerdy, yes, but not totally unheard of. :D

[mousewings.livejournal.com]

I think all the advice that needs to be given has been said already by everyone above. ;)

Yes, it may seem odd to your family that you'd travel all that way to meet friends you've only written to but with some assurance, they may be okay with it. If they are still leery, you could do what knockturnul did and let your parents call and confirm first.

I've met some people who I've talked to via boards and other mediums but only after I'd talked to them for months. When I mentioned it to my mother (never my father, he'd not understand) and a few other friends, I said I just met them and left out the online part (Liar? I may be ;) ). Anyways, the acquaintanceships/friendships(?) all ended for lack of interest or other complications. I've made closer friends on LJ, but all of them are in other countries or on the other side of mine. I don't think I could ever visit them, but I'd be open to them visiting me. It'd be kind of weird but I'd vaguely say to people that I was off to visit a friend yet again. ;)

[la-victorienne.livejournal.com]

I TOTES KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN.

i am the same way. in fact, all of these delightful packages you've been sending me have been from you, but instead of meeting you on the dangerous intarwebs "i met you when i was in florida like three years ago (maybe four, wtf) on a mission trip", so. :/

i don't like lying to them, but it's hard for them to understand (even though one of my best rl friends has an online buddy who comes to stay at her house regularly) that you people aren't scary pedophiles who want to kidnap me oh noes!

as for being the same person in rl as i am in fandom, i'm a little different - as most of my friends and family know how crazy/obsessive/weird/freaky i am. (they don't know about that porn thing, though, so. :/ speaking of which i have some, yum yum, and i think you will like it.)

so i guess i'm no help, but i wanted you to know you're not alone. ♥.

[lfg1986.livejournal.com]

Wow, I am the EXACT same. Though my parents do know that most of what I do on the computer revolves around SPN, they don't know WHAT exactly about SPN I do/read/write. I've never been this involved in a fandom before, EVER. This is my first venture into fanfic, I've written about 4 fics so far in the past year, and my parents don't know anything about it. I mean, my mom's a fairly devout Christian, and I think she'd crack if I told her I was into Wincest (and man, just having to EXPLAIN what that even IS would be a trip). In fact, they kinda thought I was crazy for going to the Fangoria convention to see Jared in Chicago (even though he ended up canceling), and they REALLY thought I was nuts for announcing that I'm flying to Vancouver in July w/ an online friend to go find the set and hopefully meet the boys. And then this whole Jensen doing A Few Good Men came up, and after much wavering, I finally said "screw it" and told my friend I'm going to Vancouver w/ that we should go, but I never told my parents. So I'm actually flying to Texas next week, and my parents will never know cause I'm too scared to tell them for fear of them sending me to the looney bin (they just happen to be out of town for the next 10 days, thank GOD, otherwise I could have never been able to pull this off). So yeah, you're definitely not alone. *hugs*

[skies-of-honey.livejournal.com]

You know what I think...I think everybody has an obsession or hobbie that they don't tell people about. I mean, just look at how many people are on livejournal and myspace and all that. There are so many people that are obsessed with Supernatual(and other things) but for some reason you never meet anyone in real life with those same obsessions, because we're all afraid to tell people about it, lol!