caithream | Remember what Dad taught you. Remember what I taught you.

Breaking of the dam? More like a fucking tsunami.

I'm pretty sure I've been crying for over half an hour now. Took me a good ten minutes to get up off the couch without shaking.

Jesus Christ I can't even process any of this.

Fucking Bon Jovi. Fucking "Dead or Alive." That will never. I can't ever listen to that song again without-- FUCKING ROCK BAND. OH FUCK ME. FUUUUUUUUUUCK.

Just SINGING. Just. I broke my heart in TWO.

Katie Cassidy/Ruby, you fucking OWN ME. I LOVE YOU. AMAZING.

That child. Was the creepiest. Ever. That was amazing. Oh God.

I'm yours. Dean. Dean.

God, when Sam. When his desperation finally got to him and he says What am I supposed to do and I don't even know if that was just a coincidence of the wording but fuck, throwback to AHBL 2 with Dean standing over Sam's dead body and that's all I could think about and oh God, here I go again.

Bobby. BOBBY BOBBY BOBBY. I can't even MAKE WORDS at how much I love and adore and fucking cried my eyes out at his FAMILY IS NOT JUST BY BLOOD and like. BOBBY. BOBBY.

Sam and his Lilith blocking powers, I don't even know, I don't even KNOW. I've randomly thought of Croatoan, about how he was immune to the demonic virus, and how the Special Kids were immune to each other's powers, so, WHAT. Even though Azazel put his own blood into Sam (them?) maybe, MAYBE, there is some other force at work here, that Sam was INHERENTLY GOOD to begin with, that all the Special Kids' powers were good to begin with, and the YED just wanted to turn him (them?) to evil. That these powers and the immunity to both the virus and Lilith's powers is because of that... special touch of inherent goodness, whatever it may be. The YED knew it, Lilith knows it, and they're terrified of him because of it, which is why they're trying to turn him. And Lilith just found out that it didn't work, when she did the super ultra bright light effect? I DON'T KNOW. LOOK AT ALL OF THIS I JUST PULLED OUT OF MY ASS. That's my theory and I'm running with it.

RUBY CALLED DEAN A DICK. ALjfg;o234j[0j[fs;ghet;q3o4tu L;AJGH3O4AH <333333333333333333333333333333333

Oh fuck, oh fuck, Sam watching Dean get torn apart, oh God, I'm sick. That was horrible. That was HORRIBLE. Dean, oh my GOD.

Oh God, I cannot even tell you how hard I was shaking with DEAN. AND THE FUCKING MEATHOOKS. AND DEAN. DEAN SCREAMING. FOR SAM. DURING THE CREDITS. SCREAMING. I CAN'T. And okay, OKAY, HELL, HELL IS NOT A PLACE. It's in his MIND, he's trapped in his fucking mind with fucking meathooks, they zoomed in past his eye, to his BRAIN, fucking SYNAPSES and NERVES and shit, and THIS IS DEAN'S HELL. TRAPPED FOREVER IN HIS OWN MIND. Oh God. Hyperventilating. It's... it's freaking Dream a Little Dream of Me all over again, except this time it's for REAL, Dean's his own worst enemy, oh for God's sake, I'm dying inside. I can't even handle this. I can't.

ETA: Okay, so, not hell?? Because Chrissy and I are talking and DUH I forgot that those tiny little details scattered throughout the season of hell being FIREY and BLACK-LIKE and PIT-LIKE. Not to mention all the demons waiting for that "meet and greet with Dean Winchester" and in that final scene he's utterly, utterly alone. It's a purgatory. An in-between place. A SOMETHING. But not hell. His contract got screwed, somehow, or Sam's influence did something, or Lilith's fear, or SOMETHING. It's not hell, and he's fucking SAVEABLE.

What... how are they going to SOLVE THIS?? Dean's body is RIPPED TO SHREDS, unless he fucking RESURRECTS how are they going to SOLVE THIS?! Oh fuck, oh fuck OH FUCK, if they open next season's premiere of Sam fucking burning Dean's body, I won't. I can't. That's. Unthinkable at this point, with BOBBY, oh my GOD, BOBBY FINDING DEAN'S BODY WITH SAM, IT'S THE SAME, HE DID IT WITH DEAN WHEN SAM DIED AND NOW HE'S GOTTA DO IT AGAIN WITH SAM, AND OH GOD how do I still have TEARS. This sucks so bad. I can't even deal.

Guys, I am not watching this episode with any of y'all unless you are prepared for me to cry so hard I could fill the Amazon. I'm serious. That was just. Unbelievable.