caithream | Stop lookin' at me like that.

Jesus Christ, you guys.

Okay, so back when I was first watching Season 1, July/August of last year, I finally got to the episode Faith, and I thought, Wow, this show actually means serious business! That was the turning point for me, the Eureka! moment, if you will, of discovering something that was damn good and was slowly proving itself to be so.

This is it. This is the episode I have been waiting for, like, okay Show, I know you have it in you to blow my brains out with light/sound/music/color/storyline/angst, the perfect combination in a neat little package of an episode, and yes. YESSSS. This episode just made me feel like. Like, OH MY BABY. You're all grown up! It was just. so. good.

Because can I talk for one minute on HOW MUCH I LOVED HOW THIS EPISODE WAS FILMED? The stutter stop/starts (ha ha! you love my technological lingo!), the AMAZING use of color, the panning, the um, where the camera zooms in but simultaneously is being pulled back? OKAY I LOVE THAT SHIT. Apparently this director is the same one who did Crossroad Blues and YEAH HI. Could you stick around? That was kind of magnificent. It added SO. MUCH. to that nightmarish feel, ungh, I really wish all episodes could be like this.

And, of course, the content, God, GOD. Okay, so, see, I am a HUGE fan of angst. Like, ginormous. I live for this stuff. I've always enjoyed the angst on SPN, mostly I think because in the back of my mind I know it'll eventually get resolved. Winchesters may shed a few tears, everything will pretty much suck, but there's always a light around the corner, right?

Is it just me, or is that completely and TOTALLY changing? Starting, I think, with last week's episode (which I still can't pronounce, don't make me)? I have never felt such an unsettling despair of how utterly fucked up everything is. I don't know if that's just better storytelling, or the story in general. Probably both. So much so that it's literally settling like a stone in my stomach, nauseous-like. And it's not just situational happenstance. It's, God, Dean it's that he literally has no self-esteem, has no confidence in himself and sees himself as so worthless as to not even help save his own life. It's that he still has that underlying fear of is what you brought back 100% Sam? It's that he thinks he might have done it all for nothing.

Because that scene? Where two and a quarter seasons down the road we finally get to see Dean for who he really is, and what he thinks of himself? It's... I don't even know. It's so UNSETTLING. That the wall came crashing down, which has never happened before, except maybe for the brief moment in AHBL 2, and I seriously feel like I've been punched in the gut. And holy God, Jensen, I have no idea how you fucking do what you do, I just, I have no words. I was shaking.

I can't even sit here an analyze everything that was said between the "two" of them, I can't even. I'll never blame John, not ever; I think that he exacerbated whatever issues Dean already had going, but I don't think every amount of blame should be heaped on him. Couldn't even protect Mom, just, oh my God, I can't even.

I really really need to watch this five hundred million more times because there is just SO MANY THINGS TO PICK OUT and ANALYZE, I can't even remember them all!

God how I LOOOOVED the whole dream root dealio, awesome awesome awesome. I love Bobby and his insane awesomeness and I love how the boys drink WHISKEEEEEY. AHAHAAAAAA THE SAM/BELA?? I have no freaking CLUE, man, but that is ten million kinds of hilarity and I kind of hate Laura Cohen for getting to do that. Um! I was like, HARRR Bela totes had the dream root before she came to see the boys and wanted to mess with Sam! But then she came in rather quickly after Sam's Happy Fun Time Place Dream and so I am like, haha, I dunno. OH THE SHITSTORM THAT FANDOM WILL CREATE OUT OF THIS. I can't wait to watch it. It might be good time entertainment.

SO OKAY. Bela stole the Colt, WHAT A BITCH. So question: did she steal it because she knew it was very very valuable, or because she knows exactly what it does and wants to sell it to the highest bidder? Like, an evil highest bidder? WILL RUBY COME LAY THE SMACKDOWN ON BELA FOR STEALING THE GUN?? Omgggg I don't think I can fathom that amazingness. HANG ON GIVE ME A SEC.

Oh my God, oh my GOD, when Dean is telling Bobby to snap out of it, to wake up and control the dream, and there's that AMAZING AMAZING stutter stop start and You're like a father to me holy God, the emotional impact that had on me, it's ridiculous. AUUUGH.

Sam being tied up on the ground! HELLO ANVILS, YOU'RE DROPPING LIKE THE RAIN NOWADAYS, AREN'T YOU. A;LKJS;AOWIEJA;OASLKDJF.

Bobby's wife. :((( Oh BOBBY.

Dean's daddy's leather jacket oh my God SHIT I cannot even DEAL.

FJA;EWLIJA;OWEJ HAHA I TOTALLY FORGOT! Everyone's heard the story that Jared told at Creation Con, right? That during one of Jim Beaver's scenes where he was having a heart-to-heart with the boys, Jared was pretty much playing "This Little Piggy" with Jim's toes? And the second they called cut Jim was like, WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU. PLEASE GOD TELL ME SOMEONE RECORDED THAT AND IT'S UP ON THE WEB.

IT'S RAINING UPSIDE DOWN. (Hint: so awesome.)

CAFFIENATED DEAN = BEST THING IN THE HISTORY OF EVER.

And yeah, remember what I said about despair? The promo for next week? Oh my God. D:

I think it might be getting rather frightening how invested I am in this show. Ha ha. HA.

A couple of my coworkers called my house right at the beginning of my watching, and that would be fine except for a) everyone in my house was asleep b) they were druuuuunk and wanted me to come down to a bar and join them. REMEMBER THAT 21ST BIRTHDAY I STILL GOTTA GET THROUGH? And even if I could, Supernatural >>>>>> going out drinking and having a life, srs.

Also, this has been making me do SERIOUS LOLLERSKATES all evening. IF JOHN WINCHESTER WAS HIGH. "Holy crap! Cake down!" AHAHAHAAAAAA.

It's taking all my willpower not to go back out and watch, um, that scene an obscene amount of times. I cannot wait for the caps. CANNOT. WAIT. Aughghaasdlkj. :(