Stop lookin' at me like that.

[caithream]

Jesus Christ, you guys.

Okay, so back when I was first watching Season 1, July/August of last year, I finally got to the episode Faith, and I thought, Wow, this show actually means serious business! That was the turning point for me, the Eureka! moment, if you will, of discovering something that was damn good and was slowly proving itself to be so.

This is it. This is the episode I have been waiting for, like, okay Show, I know you have it in you to blow my brains out with light/sound/music/color/storyline/angst, the perfect combination in a neat little package of an episode, and yes. YESSSS. This episode just made me feel like. Like, OH MY BABY. You're all grown up! It was just. so. good.

Because can I talk for one minute on HOW MUCH I LOVED HOW THIS EPISODE WAS FILMED? The stutter stop/starts (ha ha! you love my technological lingo!), the AMAZING use of color, the panning, the um, where the camera zooms in but simultaneously is being pulled back? OKAY I LOVE THAT SHIT. Apparently this director is the same one who did Crossroad Blues and YEAH HI. Could you stick around? That was kind of magnificent. It added SO. MUCH. to that nightmarish feel, ungh, I really wish all episodes could be like this.

And, of course, the content, God, GOD. Okay, so, see, I am a HUGE fan of angst. Like, ginormous. I live for this stuff. I've always enjoyed the angst on SPN, mostly I think because in the back of my mind I know it'll eventually get resolved. Winchesters may shed a few tears, everything will pretty much suck, but there's always a light around the corner, right?

Is it just me, or is that completely and TOTALLY changing? Starting, I think, with last week's episode (which I still can't pronounce, don't make me)? I have never felt such an unsettling despair of how utterly fucked up everything is. I don't know if that's just better storytelling, or the story in general. Probably both. So much so that it's literally settling like a stone in my stomach, nauseous-like. And it's not just situational happenstance. It's, God, Dean it's that he literally has no self-esteem, has no confidence in himself and sees himself as so worthless as to not even help save his own life. It's that he still has that underlying fear of is what you brought back 100% Sam? It's that he thinks he might have done it all for nothing.

Because that scene? Where two and a quarter seasons down the road we finally get to see Dean for who he really is, and what he thinks of himself? It's... I don't even know. It's so UNSETTLING. That the wall came crashing down, which has never happened before, except maybe for the brief moment in AHBL 2, and I seriously feel like I've been punched in the gut. And holy God, Jensen, I have no idea how you fucking do what you do, I just, I have no words. I was shaking.

I can't even sit here an analyze everything that was said between the "two" of them, I can't even. I'll never blame John, not ever; I think that he exacerbated whatever issues Dean already had going, but I don't think every amount of blame should be heaped on him. Couldn't even protect Mom, just, oh my God, I can't even.

I really really need to watch this five hundred million more times because there is just SO MANY THINGS TO PICK OUT and ANALYZE, I can't even remember them all!

God how I LOOOOVED the whole dream root dealio, awesome awesome awesome. I love Bobby and his insane awesomeness and I love how the boys drink WHISKEEEEEY. AHAHAAAAAA THE SAM/BELA?? I have no freaking CLUE, man, but that is ten million kinds of hilarity and I kind of hate Laura Cohen for getting to do that. Um! I was like, HARRR Bela totes had the dream root before she came to see the boys and wanted to mess with Sam! But then she came in rather quickly after Sam's Happy Fun Time Place Dream and so I am like, haha, I dunno. OH THE SHITSTORM THAT FANDOM WILL CREATE OUT OF THIS. I can't wait to watch it. It might be good time entertainment.

SO OKAY. Bela stole the Colt, WHAT A BITCH. So question: did she steal it because she knew it was very very valuable, or because she knows exactly what it does and wants to sell it to the highest bidder? Like, an evil highest bidder? WILL RUBY COME LAY THE SMACKDOWN ON BELA FOR STEALING THE GUN?? Omgggg I don't think I can fathom that amazingness. HANG ON GIVE ME A SEC.

Oh my God, oh my GOD, when Dean is telling Bobby to snap out of it, to wake up and control the dream, and there's that AMAZING AMAZING stutter stop start and You're like a father to me holy God, the emotional impact that had on me, it's ridiculous. AUUUGH.

Sam being tied up on the ground! HELLO ANVILS, YOU'RE DROPPING LIKE THE RAIN NOWADAYS, AREN'T YOU. A;LKJS;AOWIEJA;OASLKDJF.

Bobby's wife. :((( Oh BOBBY.

Dean's daddy's leather jacket oh my God SHIT I cannot even DEAL.

FJA;EWLIJA;OWEJ HAHA I TOTALLY FORGOT! Everyone's heard the story that Jared told at Creation Con, right? That during one of Jim Beaver's scenes where he was having a heart-to-heart with the boys, Jared was pretty much playing "This Little Piggy" with Jim's toes? And the second they called cut Jim was like, WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU. PLEASE GOD TELL ME SOMEONE RECORDED THAT AND IT'S UP ON THE WEB.

IT'S RAINING UPSIDE DOWN. (Hint: so awesome.)

CAFFIENATED DEAN = BEST THING IN THE HISTORY OF EVER.

And yeah, remember what I said about despair? The promo for next week? Oh my God. D:

I think it might be getting rather frightening how invested I am in this show. Ha ha. HA.







A couple of my coworkers called my house right at the beginning of my watching, and that would be fine except for a) everyone in my house was asleep b) they were druuuuunk and wanted me to come down to a bar and join them. REMEMBER THAT 21ST BIRTHDAY I STILL GOTTA GET THROUGH? And even if I could, Supernatural >>>>>> going out drinking and having a life, srs.

Also, this has been making me do SERIOUS LOLLERSKATES all evening. IF JOHN WINCHESTER WAS HIGH. "Holy crap! Cake down!" AHAHAHAAAAAA.

It's taking all my willpower not to go back out and watch, um, that scene an obscene amount of times. I cannot wait for the caps. CANNOT. WAIT. Aughghaasdlkj. :(

Comments

[essenceofmeanin.livejournal.com]

YES. (i got your comment at my blog, but i had more to say at yours so... so i'm here!) i had never considered the ruby&bella smackdown fight -- that would actually be somehow more awesome than the boys killing her. bonus points for the sexy, yeah?

i can't blame john either, i mean -- dean called out blame for mary's death, he can't be serious in his heart of hearts. it was so awesome to see him finally stand up for himself, though. i can't agree on a flat reading of dean=just broken just like i can't agree on john=broken crappy father, but that shit was still AWESOME. that's not all they ARE. yay for dean for thinking outside the box there no matter how fucked up he is.

ps, i KNEW that coat was john's!

[caithream.livejournal.com]

I am enjoying Bela more than half of fandom, I think, but I'd still really like to see just exactly what involvement she has within this timeframe, you know? So I am hoping SO BAD that she might have something to do with all of this, Dean's going to hell, apocalypse, SOMETHING.

DEFINITELY not. I really really hope people aren't up in arms over this episode, like, wow I can't believe what a horrible light they're painting John in, this totally goes back on all canon that we've had so far, blah blah blah. It's not! This was all in Dean's psyche, we saw everything from his point of view, and topped with all. that. stress. of impending doom for him (and even more for Sam), he's going to be losing his shit SOMETIME over all this repressed angst he's been holding in. GAH. I don't know why I'm so concerned with hoping that other people don't hate that whole ending, but I can't HELP it! :\

Angsty fic of Dean's 18th birthday when he receives the leather jacket, GO! ;D

[essenceofmeanin.livejournal.com]

y'know -- those are kinda my feelings about bela too. i'd enjoy her if i saw that she was actually useful to the *story*. i don't see the chemistry so i don't buy her as a romantic option, so i need her to serve some other purpose.

GOOD. i was scared people were gonna jump right back on the john hate bandwagon. one thing i love about dean is that he the most unreliable narrator of the entire show. his perspective is skewed because he has lots of issues. but i think actually airing all that repressed emotion can only be for the good. (i typed food there for some reason.)

AHAHAH -- i'm totally gonna do something with that jacket. i already had a scene about john's music planned for my next fic after the bigbang one, and now the jacket is totally getting included. whee! i love being right!

[stephanometra.livejournal.com]

*TWIRLS YOU AROUND*

[caithream.livejournal.com]

*HAPPY HAPPY FLAILING!!*

[castiel.livejournal.com]

ROFL THAT PREVIEW is the cutest thing I've ever seen. Oh JDM. I adore you. AHAHAHAHA TOO ADORABLE.

[caithream.livejournal.com]

ISN'T IT?? I REALLY MUST SEE THIS MOVIE.

[caithream.livejournal.com]

MOST PROBABLY. Oh my God, Jared and Jensen must have had a BALL working with him, heeee!

[falterfrei.livejournal.com]

There were several parts that had me either squirming or laughing out loud and clapping. First off, am I the only one immensely amused by the fact that Dean dreams about MUNDANE AND ROMANTIC things like PICNICS IN THE PARK and PICKING BEN UP AT SOCCER PRACTICE? You could HEAR it in his voice when he said "I've never had this dream before" that he was completely, utterly lying through his teeth. He's had that dream multiple times before and it's one of his favorites, but he's completely mortified that Sam knows about it now, too.

The whole Sam/Bela thing was a little... well, I figure the guy hasn't been laid since Madison, and she's the only human woman he knows, so maybe his brain is doing that by default? I dunno; it just seems like the most unlikely pairing in the history of EVER and it would never work in real life, but she is pretty hot, so I guess he can be forgiven, even if she is a bitch.

OMG the conversation Dean had with himself had me squealing! I mean, there were no big surprises in it, because I think most of the fandom has had most of those things figured out since the end of season one, but DEAN hasn't ever hashed it out with himself before, and I think he broke down a lot of the walls and finally told himself that YES, he IS worth something, and he DOES want to live! It was completely amazing, and I really have to give kudos to Jensen. He knocked that one out of the park, both as evil!Dean and as regular Dean. And I absolutely loved him telling Bobby that he was like a father to him, and also the complete role reversal during that conversation when you compare it to the dressing-down Bobby gave him in AHBL II. I mean, it's like mirroring; both the content of the conversation and the undertones. Did anyone else notice that, or am I just on crack?

AHAHAHAHAHA, that clip! JDM in that movie is SO TOTALLY DEAN. Seriously. I think Dean would act the exact same way in that situation. It's so funny, hee.

[falterfrei.livejournal.com]

Hee, I meant baseball practice, not soccer practice, d'oh!

[caithream.livejournal.com]

ME TOO TIMES LIKE, A MIIILLION. AUUGH. There was thrashing around on my couch. AMAZING. And HAHA, yes! OH DEAN. It's just like WIAWSNB, his wish for a "normal" life, or as normal as you can get with the Winchesters. SIGH.

I was really mostly just amused with Sam's little dream! I really think Bela might have had something to do with it, since she was the one who brought he dream root in, ahaha. Throw him off his game a little. It's SO amusing how much they both hate her! "CRAP, BELA." HEEE.

but DEAN hasn't ever hashed it out with himself before

GAAAH, YES, EXACTLY. WE'VE all known this, SAM'S been trying to tell him this since even before Dean sold his soul for his bro, but yeah, I think that's what really really got me, was the fact that he was basically fighting with HIMSELF on his self-worth. AND YES YES YESSS! I WAS SO GOING TO SAY SOMETHING ABOUT THE FACT THAT IT WAS MIRRORED TO AHBL!! Bobby's yelling at Dean in AHBL that he IS worth a damn, why the HELL did you do what you did, and Dean yelling at Bobby that you ARE worth a damn, you're like a father to me, AUUGH. BRILLIANT, I LOVE IT SO.

AHAHAH YES EXACTLY. This was John during the 'Nam years, DON'T EVER TELL HIS BOYS.

[idril-telrunya.livejournal.com]

HAHAHAHA OK ILU! LIKE WHOA! I expected WAY more capslock and less coherentness. This season is way about omg life sucks and everything is over and omg we will never win and Dean is gonna die and the world will end. It is fairly dark. But I LOOOOVE it!

OMG BOOOOOOBBBBBBYYYY!!!!

OOHH!! I WONDER IF IT WAS WHEN HE WAS TALKING ABOUT HIS WIFE THAT JARED WAS PLAYING WITH HIS TOES?!! YA THINK??!! HEEEEEEE! *draws hearts around Jared*

OH THE SHITSTORM THAT FANDOM WILL CREATE OUT OF THIS. I can't wait to watch it.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I've already seen some of it, and got pissed which hopefully you saw, and now I am with the lolz. Fangirls=PISSING ME OFF!

BUT I LOVE YOU! I must watch it again and we SRS NEED TO TALK ABOUT IT! LIKE FOR REALS! I NEED TO TALK ABOUT DEMON!DEAN. I CAN'T EVEN DEAL!

ETA: HAHAHAHAHAHAH OMG JOHN!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH "Bullshit!" And how he is so excited about his milk? "There's my milk!" And the hand gestures?! LOVES!

[caithream.livejournal.com]

HAHA SORRY! This episode made me kind of depressed! In a good way! So I had to think my way through it! I wish I was WATCHING it with you, OHHH.

AHAHA YEAH IT WAS! Remember when Jensen was like, "So, I'm not going to give anything away, but we filmed this one episode where Bobby's in a hospital bed..." and everyone started laughing ahaha. OH JARED.

OH, yes, did I see it. I ignore. Pretty much I'm ignoring all of fandom right now and residing in my own little happy place because people fucking harshing my fucking SQUEE, I seriously, absolutely cannot stand it. I'm so done.

AUGH, YOUR ICON, SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP. CHRISSY WE MIGHT HAVE MENTAL PROBLEMS, I DUNNO.

HAHAHA milk! CAKE DOWN! So freaking hilarious, oh man.