Sera Gamble is my fucking hero.

[caithream]

I can't do this.

I can't fucking have this much love and this much pain and and this much because my fucking heart cannot take this show. I can't. I can't love something this much, but I do. So much pain and sacrifice and loss and bone-aching love, culminated over the centuries in all sorts of literature and media, but this. fucking. show. I have no words to properly describe why and how, so I won't, and instead just keep on bawling and moaning and wishing like fuck I could at least have someone with me who gets it.

I don't know where to begin, except maybe at the end, but I really feel only capable of "Sam," and "Dean," and "boys," only made forty billion times worse by the speech Dean made at the end of WIAWSNB, "we've lost so much" and Sam isn't a loss, it's a fucking death blow. Dean's hands. Dean's hands running through Sam's hair, fisting his jacket, cupping Sam's face and telling him it's gonna be okay, I'm gonna take care of you. Protector, even unto death. It hurts so bad I don't even know what to do. That scream at the end, the last ditch effort to hold on and deny. I just. Fucking broke.

Logically, Sam's gonna be okay. I know this. I just don't... know it. I don't know how, but hoping hoping HOPING that Dean's amulet is going to be explained through all this. Again, I don't know how. But. But! I have some interesting ideas.

And the promo for next week. Just. Broke me all over again. Dean has nothing now, if Sam is dead, he'll give up and not care one single bit, "The world's gonna end," "THEN LET IT," I just. I can't deal with this right now. A week is going to seem like forever, and yet, it won't. I really think I might need my whole summer to get over this.

Someone suggested the theory that Dean makes a deal with the YED for Sam.

Oh Jesus.

He would. That's the big ass problem. He would sacrifice his soul, if he could. DEAN.

God. What else. The ROADHOUSE. I burst into tears. ASH. NO. NOOOOOOO. WHY. He CAN'T. I REFUSE. And he had information! ;LJA;LKJG;AOWI4J;AOJDGP34IHAWJ. I BET YOU ANYTHING it was about Stull. The cemetary seen in the promo. AUUGHHH.

MARY KNEW. MARY. KNEW. I DON'T. I CAN'T. WHAT. SAM. DEMON BLOOD. HOLY CRAP. I CANNOT EVEN CORRECTLY PROCESS THIS.

gahw2h;oiwgh;ojf;kaj WHAT did the YED mean by "generations"? Was Mary one of the Chosen back in the day? Was it passed on to Sam? WHY NOT DEAN TOO, THEN. Just. Oh my god! KRIPKE I HATE YOU.

Speaking of which, Dean getting Andy's "visions"! Alkajsdf;alsdjfk. Fantastic.

Jake was awesome up until the part where he KILLED SAM. Shit. AND ANDY. NOOOOOO!!!!!!!! ANDY ANDY ANDY I LOVE YOU GOD WHY DID HE HAVE TO DIE. I am so utterly depressed. And Ava! WHY. Why did you have to go evil, Ava? I really genuinely liked you. Augh. AUGH.

OH, OH MAN. That ghost town looks EXACTLY like the town in Resident Evil 4, of which Jensen may get the lead role? I nearly peed myself. Man I love that game.

Andyyyyy. "I just woke up in Frontierland!" and "I was kind of... on my fourth load on my bong." And gay porn! AUGH I LOVED HIM SO MUCH.

So utterly overwhelmed. I want next week here so bad, but I don't, because that's IT until season three, because I have a firm belief that it's going to be renewed. I'm an absolute masochist because I will be watching it over and over and over again tomorrow and crying and hurting and this SHOW you guys. I love it so much it's utterly ridiculous and I don't care.

Comments

[caithream.livejournal.com]

WENDY I HAD TEARS AND SNOT STREAMING DOWN MY FACE FOR AT LEAST HALF AN HOUR BECAUSE I AM A BIG WUSSY AND THESE BOYS ARE SERIOUSLY KILLING ME SO BAD I CAN BARELY MANAGE AND I WISH SO BAD I REALLY WAS WATCHING IT WITH YOU BECAUSE WE WOULD CREATE A SCENE. A REALLY BIG SCENE. AND OH MY GOD. *Clings to you!!!!!*

[magikalrhiannon.livejournal.com]

It would be the biggest scene EVA! *CLINGS BACK*