caithream | Ignore this. No, really.

When you're sitting on the bench for 45 minutes to an hour, watching a white ball fly back and forth over the net and your friends working their behinds off, your train of thought tends to wander.

You see, I wonder of what good I am for anyone on the team. Why do I even bother showing up? Why do I even bother get myself all dressed out for a game when I sit on my arse the whole time thinking about this?

I'm not angry at Coach for not putting me in, because I know full well that I'll make a definate fool of myself as so in the past. I'm frustrated at myself, wondering why I just can't get fecking better. Well, truth be told, I have been getting better at practices but on those rare occasions that I get put in I just screw it up. I don't have enough playing time in games for me to not be nervous or anything. But, it's like something just doesn't connect in my brain and I'm killing myself, wondering why the heck it just won't connect.

I don't know. I'm sure there are plenty of things I could be whining about and this just happends to be one of them. What I do know, however, is that it is totally humiliating when JV players who have been brought up into Varsity get to go in the game while you stay out the whole time.

I'm trying not to care, though, I really am. Seems to be working.

Hey, Deborah. Crack is wack, yo. Don't you learn anything from Lil'Wayne or whatever the hell that rapper kid's name is?

Catie is spending the night tomorrow night and we shall watch Edward Scissorhands and Nightmare Before Christmas and squee.