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Dec. 31st, 2013 05:29 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
caithreamHello, it is I, the posting failure.
But I figured I should get off my butt (or just force myself to set aside the time, really) and do one last post for 2013.
2013! Not that much of a horrible year, really. It had its ups and downs like every year. Of course, the most significant thing that happened was that in April I finally finally moved from Florida to NYC. And, shocker, I'm still here and surviving! I can't even tell you how happy I am to be out of Florida. The move was hard, so so SO hard, but I'm still glad I did it. I've got a fantastic support group of ladies up here, really nice roommates, and constant support from my parents. I'm very very fortunate and try not to take any of that for granted.
My only issue I'm having now is jobs. None of the jobs that I mentioned in my last post panned out. But I did finally find something: I'm working as a part time office assistant for a small interior designer. I also very recently just got hired on to do blogging for 10-15 blogs a week, and it will pay quite well! The interior design place would be perfect (I run errands so I'm not sitting in the office all day, it's a 20 minute subway ride from my apartment, the pay is pretty decent, etc), EXCEPT... the interior designer himself is condescending, a perfectionist, and terrifying to communicate with. There were days a week or so ago where I didn't eat lunch because I was shaking and nauseous, terrified of saying or doing something wrong. I called my mom in a cab on the way to a client's house and cried. I don't know... there's a lot of stuff going on with him too (aka, my coworker, who was AWESOME and so nice, just quit because she got into a teaching program, he's out of town for a few weeks right now, and he's trying to sell his house), so I'm trying to keep that in mind, but ugh. I shouldn't have to go to work feeling like I'm going to have a panic attack every day. So. I don't know. A new lady just started in the office a few days ago, so I'm going to feel it out and see how things progress after he gets back.
It's frustrating to me to not have any idea of what I want to do with my life. I THOUGHT I did, working at a publishing company or something similar, but now I just don't know. To not have a drive or things to accomplish is awful. I've only just started to realize that oh, yeah, I think I really do have a significant problem with anxiety. I just keep everything inside or don't acknowledge it. But these last few months, I've really taken a huge emotional/mental hit due to anxiety. And all these swirling thoughts about jobs haven't helped. I've considered researching out and finding therapists, even.
So if anything needs improving in 2014, it's... all of that.
On a happier note, other things I'm hopefully planning for 2014 include a roadtrip through Rhode Island, a roadtrip with my BFF from back home from LA, all the way up the Big Sur (!!!!!), finally reaching San Francisco, and maybe a stop in Napa Valley, my sister visiting me here in NYC in March, losing at least 10 pounds (I KNOW I CAN I KNOW I CAN), and buying a vibrator because certain parts of my life are still SEVERELY LACKING.
So until next time, happy 2014 all. <3
But I figured I should get off my butt (or just force myself to set aside the time, really) and do one last post for 2013.
2013! Not that much of a horrible year, really. It had its ups and downs like every year. Of course, the most significant thing that happened was that in April I finally finally moved from Florida to NYC. And, shocker, I'm still here and surviving! I can't even tell you how happy I am to be out of Florida. The move was hard, so so SO hard, but I'm still glad I did it. I've got a fantastic support group of ladies up here, really nice roommates, and constant support from my parents. I'm very very fortunate and try not to take any of that for granted.
My only issue I'm having now is jobs. None of the jobs that I mentioned in my last post panned out. But I did finally find something: I'm working as a part time office assistant for a small interior designer. I also very recently just got hired on to do blogging for 10-15 blogs a week, and it will pay quite well! The interior design place would be perfect (I run errands so I'm not sitting in the office all day, it's a 20 minute subway ride from my apartment, the pay is pretty decent, etc), EXCEPT... the interior designer himself is condescending, a perfectionist, and terrifying to communicate with. There were days a week or so ago where I didn't eat lunch because I was shaking and nauseous, terrified of saying or doing something wrong. I called my mom in a cab on the way to a client's house and cried. I don't know... there's a lot of stuff going on with him too (aka, my coworker, who was AWESOME and so nice, just quit because she got into a teaching program, he's out of town for a few weeks right now, and he's trying to sell his house), so I'm trying to keep that in mind, but ugh. I shouldn't have to go to work feeling like I'm going to have a panic attack every day. So. I don't know. A new lady just started in the office a few days ago, so I'm going to feel it out and see how things progress after he gets back.
It's frustrating to me to not have any idea of what I want to do with my life. I THOUGHT I did, working at a publishing company or something similar, but now I just don't know. To not have a drive or things to accomplish is awful. I've only just started to realize that oh, yeah, I think I really do have a significant problem with anxiety. I just keep everything inside or don't acknowledge it. But these last few months, I've really taken a huge emotional/mental hit due to anxiety. And all these swirling thoughts about jobs haven't helped. I've considered researching out and finding therapists, even.
So if anything needs improving in 2014, it's... all of that.
On a happier note, other things I'm hopefully planning for 2014 include a roadtrip through Rhode Island, a roadtrip with my BFF from back home from LA, all the way up the Big Sur (!!!!!), finally reaching San Francisco, and maybe a stop in Napa Valley, my sister visiting me here in NYC in March, losing at least 10 pounds (I KNOW I CAN I KNOW I CAN), and buying a vibrator because certain parts of my life are still SEVERELY LACKING.
So until next time, happy 2014 all. <3
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no subject
Date: 2013-12-31 11:20 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-01-01 12:13 am (UTC)Pshht, what am I talking about, I barely post here, either, lol. ;)
I totally understand your feelings of not knowing what you want to do with your life, and the anxiety. I've been kinda floundering this past year, specifically when it comes to jobs and just not knowing where my life is going. It sucks. But I will say that I did finally reach a point where I decided to find a counselor to talk to about it (among many other things in my life that are distressing me), and it has really helped. I've still got a long way to go, but I feel like I'm working toward something, even if that "something" isn't totally defined yet. So if you feel like it would help, you should definitely talk to someone.
Your planning for 2014 sounds wonderful! I am planning another cruise, and maybe even one other trip if I can afford it/can get the time off work. :)
Happy New Year!
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Date: 2014-01-01 02:15 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-01-02 12:47 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-01-02 06:00 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-01-03 04:01 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-01-04 05:03 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-01-04 05:12 am (UTC)That's so encouraging to hear that speaking with a counselor has helped. It's so weird... as loving and wonderful as my family is, we tend to suppress our deep emotions/thoughts/fears a LOT. My sister informed me a year or so ago that she was seeing a therapist and my immediate thought was, "WHAT?? WHAT?? IS SHE OKAY? WHAT'S WRONG?" but after thinking about it and doing some research, I've come to realize therapy is just being able to unleash thoughts/fears to another person without (hopefully) judgment. So. That would be GREAT for me, really.
All the best for you for this year too, my dear! <3
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Date: 2014-01-04 05:12 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-01-04 05:15 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-01-04 05:17 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-01-04 05:22 am (UTC)