Honey... I know talking about it (or anything) is hard, and if you can't do that, you can't do that. And I know that this won't make a difference (I am the queen of moral hangovers about opening up, so I get where you are coming from, or I'd like to think I do.), but please, don't regret writing this. Opening up is really difficult, but needed sometimes.
As for friends, or lack thereof/ lack of contact I find myself in the same position, and I have no solutions... I've, for myself, have been thinking about getting a new hobby, or getting incolved in an old one... Would that kind of thing work for you? It would help meating like-minded people, who could potentially become new friends, so... It really sucks how people just migrate out of each others lives. Yes, one would think that sharing 12 + years/ any years would make everything cool, and it would mean keeping in touch, but apperently not. (At least that is my experience.) But I would like to think re-connecting is possible (even if it is slightly humiliating sometimes/ feels like one is intruding, but the possible pay-off...)
As for SO: I don't think it's wrong to want one, nor it is wrong to not feel "fulfilled" or whatnot by the love your family gives you. I'm sure there are a lot of people who would love to meet you.
I wish you luck and strenght, and please vent on LJ, at least: no face-to-face might make talking easier. Hang tight. This time will pass, and better times will come.
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As for friends, or lack thereof/ lack of contact I find myself in the same position, and I have no solutions... I've, for myself, have been thinking about getting a new hobby, or getting incolved in an old one... Would that kind of thing work for you? It would help meating like-minded people, who could potentially become new friends, so... It really sucks how people just migrate out of each others lives. Yes, one would think that sharing 12 + years/ any years would make everything cool, and it would mean keeping in touch, but apperently not. (At least that is my experience.) But I would like to think re-connecting is possible (even if it is slightly humiliating sometimes/ feels like one is intruding, but the possible pay-off...)
As for SO: I don't think it's wrong to want one, nor it is wrong to not feel "fulfilled" or whatnot by the love your family gives you. I'm sure there are a lot of people who would love to meet you.
I wish you luck and strenght, and please vent on LJ, at least: no face-to-face might make talking easier. Hang tight. This time will pass, and better times will come.
And I wish your sister a safe trip to Haiti.
*hugs*