"You're beautiful."

[caithream]

I don't. I can't. Fuck, you guys, I am still making whimpery shudders and I seriously, I don't understand how my parents didn't bolt into the living room to see what was the matter.

I have a HEADACHE and snot is DRIPPING OUT MY NOSE and THIS. THIS IS WHAT I AM REDUCED TO. Always. Always and forever. I cannot even put into words how much this hurt my heart, how smack dab in the middle of the scene where Mary, Carmen, and Sam are talking to Dean in the warehouse it was just too fucking overwhelming to deal with, Sam begging, pleading "Why do we have to be the heroes?" Their lives are so fucked up and all they want, all Dean wants is a little slice of normal no matter how much he tries to deny it and it's not fair, it's not fair for them in the slightest and I love this show and the family and the relationships so much it makes me sick to my stomach.

Did I mention that I'm pmsing? Because, yeah. If that makes any difference. Probably not, God almighty.

And the music. The fucking music....

I know I say this way too often but Jensen is my freaking hero. He just is. And I want to have his babies. HI.

Oh God. Where to start.

The amulet! For one. Missing. Have I mentioned that I have a theory for it? But I will save that for a later date.

Of course Dean would still have the Metallicar. OF COURSE.

Just. God. Just... when Dean looked at Mary he was fucking glowing because everything, his entire life is her. I love how he says "Mom," tentatively, like it's something fragile. And he... sweet Jesus it breaks my heart, when she puts a hand on his face or touches him at all how he leaned into it, closes his eyes. I am kind of hyperventilating.

It kills me so much that it wasn't so much a concern if John was dead, but how he died. "A stroke. Thank God." It hurts, okay, it hurts.

Did anyone else notice that Mary was still wearing her wedding band? Oh God. Oh God.

THE TRUNK WITHOUT WEAPONS AAAAAHHHH SACRILEGE!!

Mommy making SANDWICHES for him oh GOOOOODDD.

AAAAHHHH THE LAWNMOWING. I was torn between laughing so hard and crying my eyes out because UGH MOWING THE LAWN AND NORMALITY AND THE WAVE HE GAVE TO THE NEIGHBOR LIKE HE SUDDENLY REMEMBERED SOME CODE OF ETHICS FOR "NORMAL PEOPLE" AND LAWN GNOMES AND DRINKING A BEER AFTERWARDS I LOVE IT SO MUCH I COULD DIE.

Eeee I love how he smooshes Jess! EEEEEE.

So, okay, we won't even get started into the whole Sam and Dean not liking each other. Dean being a drunk and kind of a bastard and Sam being a yuppie and kind of a snot and how utterly disappointed Dean was and wanting to fix it. Wah.

And then, and then, all the people they never saved because they are BIG DAMN HEROES and it's just too much. NO, OH GOD, Dean at the grave, talking to John NO NO NO IT HURTS STOP MY HEART IS GOING TO EXPLODE OR MELT INTO A PUDDLE OF NOTHINGNESS OH DADDYYYYY.

Absolutely AMAZING how this episode mirrored the pilot. THE FIGHT OMG. AUGH HOW IS THIS SO BRILLIANT. DEAN WAS JUST LOOKING FOR A DRINK JGA;LKJAKL;SDJFASF I LOVE IT SO MUCH. And that one last look at the house, telling Sam to say goodbye to Mom just KILLED ME.

SAM GETTING INTO THE CAR. YES. YES YES. Because even though AU!Sam'n'Dean probably thought each other were dicks, Sam's still concerned even if he thought Dean was off his rocker.

"Bitch." "...what are you calling me 'bitch' for?" AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH DEAD DEAD DEAD.

YOU KNOW WHAT. In the original drafts of the pilot Sam has no idea what Dean does for a living or about the YED or anything (and Dean smokes jfgag;lsjagjljgd BUT WE WON'T GET INTO THAT) and the car ride to the werehouse reminded me of that. Sam freaking out over the lamb's blood! Omg I love it. And shining the flashlight in his face ahahhahahaaaaa. I just love how Dean knows he won't be sticking around long and has a little bit of fun messing around with Sam, at least.

That djinn is creepy as hell.

The scene with Sam and Mary and Carmen, I can't, okay, I can't. :(

AAAHHHASLKAKjhga;lwouiahs;lkdgjgalk HURT!DEAN omfg ngaaaaahh shut up.

Cried my eyes out when Dean was rescuing that girl and telling her it was all going to be all right and the look Sam gives him holy mother of God it's just too much.

eeeee there needs to be a ton of fic RIGHT NOW on what would happen if the djinn got to Sam and Dean wasn't able to help him. AAIIEE.

I can't even THINK about the last five minutes without breaking down, so utterly raw and I am so spent I can't even THINK straight right now.

THE PROMO. I DON'T KNOW. WHAT. FUCK. WHAT WAS THAT LAST SHOT??! ARE YOU KIDDING ME. FGJgna;hpaqahio;43h0aejor;igalj NO NO NO WHY ISN'T IT NEXT THURSDAY RIGHT THE HELL NOW. *Is ill*


I am going to picspam the hell out of this episode and all it's angsty glory. I am serious.

I kind of. I'm going to cry myself to sleep now, if that's all right.